Subject To Change

Music plays a pretty big role in my life. When I was young it was just another form of entertainment, but as I grew older I started listening closer to the words. I started hearing things that were reaching out to me. I found comfort between the lines of lyrics entering my mind. What really got me into music was probably hard rock. When I first heard the blaring sound of swirling guitars and screaming voices I could feel it surging through my veins. It was something totally different and it was pulling me in.

I find that I am attracted to darkness more than to the light. I’m trying something new by using a white template this time around. There is something about the darkness though that calls to me. The light can be blinding, but darkness is always easy on the eyes. The light shows you things you never noticed before, but it’s the darkness that makes you appreciate their existence. Because in the dark you know it is there even if you can’t see it, you know that everything that is there in the light is there in the dark. It is only that you can not see it. But I digress.

When I was around the age of thirteen I began writing. The first song I wrote is completely different in style and content to what I write now. If you read it you’ll probably laugh thinking it’s a parody of some sort. It was like, hip hop and rnb, music I can’t stand nowadays. After that I started writing rap songs, inspired by Eminem. I still have a lot of respect for him. I used to be a huge fan and deep down I think I always will. There was something honest about him. Later came the lovey dovey songs. And then… the dark ages.

At about the age of fourteen I went through my first depressive episode. It was at a time which I did not know too much about depression. Right now I think I could write a thesis on the matter. It could’ve lasted much longer, but unfortunately it didn’t. I didn’t know how to handle it. I started smoking (I’ve yet to stop). This was when music became important to me. This was when I stopped listening to Hip Hop, RNB, and Rap. This was when I turned to something heavier. Something more intense. Something raw, uncut, and unforgiving – Heavy Metal.

I started out listening to System of a Down and Slipknot (I know nu-metal, how sad). As well as metal I also listened to a lot of Alternative, namely a hell load of Nirvana (all-time fave. band), along with the usual hard rock etc. These three bands took me down the path less treaded and they served me well. Soon my music library grew from 300 songs to about 3000 (only about 1/3 of what it is now though). I’ve never had an iPod, which sucks because I could use it more than most iPod abusers, so my music listening was restricted to home. But everyday I’d look forward to going home and switching on the computer and listening to my music. I listen to music according to my mood. Most of the time it’s cathartic stuff I listen to, and quite rarely I listen to upbeat “fun” stuff. I spend at least 3 hours of my day listening to music.

Music has a lot of power. It doesn’t have to be loud to have this, though. There are some really soft songs that I listen to (Adult Contemporary/Lo-fi/Trip-Hop) that are cathartic and powerful in their own right. As well as some extremely heavy stuff that forces you to purge yourself and sometimes makes you feel as though you’re being drowned by the sea of your emotions. Music can do that. It’s not just “noise”. Even genres like “noise-pop” and extreme metal have something to offer. It’s not just something “cool” to listen to and headbang. There is always something more to it. You have to look for it. If you’re looking, you will find it.

Right now I’m not listening to anything, though. My fathers ears have become hypersensitive all of a sudden so I have to turn the volume down to 15. I can’t hear anything at that level. I don’t blast out music, as he would say, I find the right volume at which I can hear all the finer details etc. There is an optimum volume at which you hear everything and it isn’t too overwhelming. It differs from song to song and also depends on the time of the day. This post has gotten pretty technical. I think I’m going to stop now.

I think this song sums it up pretty well:
“Because the music do and it is reaching inside you, forever preaching.
Fuck you too. Your scream’s a whisper. Hang on you – twisted transistor.” Twisted Transistor by Korn