Subject To Change

“Everything changes, nothing remains without change.” Buddha

.”We All Have These Moments”

with 9 comments

“We all have these moments”, I’ve been thinking about those words for a while since I read a comment on my previous post. Normally I’d reply “no, we don’t” in an attempt to seperate myself from everyone else, but, I can’t be bothered doing that anymore. Sure, we all have these moments, but does it help?

Does the fact that other people too experience the same thing as you provide any real comfort? It doesn’t for me. It somehow devalues it, makes it seem unworthy of any effort to get out of feeling that way. Suddenly, my “struggle”, seems childish and… insignificant. I could use more-fitting words, but my mind’s not in the right state right now to be looking for them.

Maybe we do. Yeah, you’re right, we all probably do. This post is pointless, but I had to get that out. Just a thought, but yeah. Anyways.

There’s a strange comfort that comes out of dreaming your own death. I use the word “dream” intentionally, because I don’t mean a nightmare. When fear, anxiety and regret fill up my body and mind, I often imagine jumping off the second/third floor/roof. And the thought calms me down. Does that make me suicidal? I don’t know. I don’t care. All I know is I’m calm, and I’m glad. Just hope it lasts.

I also imagined that before I jumped I would write a long blog post, and it would end with this song:

Cold Contagious by Bush (lyrics)


Written by *

March 31, 2009 at 12:37 am

9 Responses

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  1. Couldn’t find an English translation of one of my favorite quotes from Franz Kafka, so I tried to do it myself.
    In a letter to Oskar Pollak (8 November 1903) he wrote:

    “Wenn Du vor mir stehst und mich ansiehst, was weißt Du von den Schmerzen, die in mir sind und was weiß ich von den Deinen. Und wenn ich mich vor Dir niederwerfen würde und weinen und erzählen, was wüsstest Du von mir mehr als von der Hölle, wenn Dir jemand erzählt, sie ist heiß und fürchterlich. Schon darum sollten wir Menschen voreinander so ehrfürchtig, so nachdenklich, so liebend stehn wie vor dem Eingang zur Hölle.”


    Standing right in front of me, looking at me, what do you know about my pain and what do I know about yours ? And if I threw myself at your feet, crying and telling you, what more would you know about me than about hell, if someone tells you it was a hot and dreadful place. That’s why we (humans) should face each other as reverently, as thoughtfully, as lovingly as we did facing the gates to hell.


    March 31, 2009 at 11:24 am

  2. why do you dream of death so often? when your life is full of promise?


    March 31, 2009 at 11:29 am

  3. Promises can be, and are often, broken.


    March 31, 2009 at 12:34 pm

  4. Hmmm yeah kinda takes away the sense of uniqueness of being in a state of mind you think is impossible for someone else to re-crate eh. But then that’s just even more amazing isn’t it? You wonder how they can possibly be going through the same thing you are yet appear so still on the surface. Gets you thinking about what’s really underneath, and still waters run deep.


    March 31, 2009 at 12:59 pm

  5. But the thoughts can be depressing, depending on the mood that you’re in. It would be interesting if you’re being objective and observational, not so much if you’re being subjective and trying to actually get out of that state than linger in it checking out how cool the fucking maze looks. It’s the cheese that matters, screw the patterns and the posters on the wall. I want my cheese.


    March 31, 2009 at 3:40 pm

  6. so someone moved your cheese?


    March 31, 2009 at 3:44 pm

  7. someone knows where the cheese is, but they’re not telling. 😦


    March 31, 2009 at 7:13 pm

  8. torture?


    March 31, 2009 at 8:48 pm

  9. the bastards.


    March 31, 2009 at 8:52 pm

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