Subject To Change

“Everything changes, nothing remains without change.” Buddha

Posts Tagged ‘life

.Red Versus Blue

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Have you ever thought of how often in our day to day lives we choose to make assumptions? Why is it that when you see someone on the street you assume you know where they’re from and where they’re headed? To me it seems like a precautionary measure. It’s in our instinct to avoid anything that may cause us harm. A woman holding a baby in a bus might not seem like a threat to you, but what if you found out somehow that she was about to dispose of it? It’s not something you would normally assume, but it is quite possible. How would that make you feel? How would that affect your thoughts? Your day? Your week? Or even your life?

Truth hurts, and it’s natural to avoid it. Especially when it doesn’t benefit you or doesn’t agree with you. So, in order to avoid it, you choose the seemingly humble path of ignorance. This is when the assumptions come in. Fueled by ignorance, assumptions start to take a bigger role in things. But when assumptions start to play a role in your judgements, that when things get fucked up. And when assumptions turn around and fuel your ignorance, that’s when you get fucked up.

Every day we face the choice between the red pill and the blue pill – truth and ignorance. But how often do we stop at the fork between Hard Knoks and Easy Street and actually think before we choose? It’s amazing and even scary to think of how many of our decisions are made subconsciously. It’s so easy to program yourself unknowingly to make choices over and over without realizing the weight they carry. And what happens when it’s too late? Think.


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January 13, 2009 at 12:00 pm

.But I’m Not The Only One

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If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools.”

The above is a stanza from Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” that’s framed and hung up on my aunt’s wall. It was gifted to her father by one of his closest friends who died shortly afterwards. The whole piece is basically a reflection and a very moving one at that. I especially love that bit, because I am a dreamer and I spend more time in thought than in anything else. Also the way he refers to “Triumph” and “Disaster” as imposters, I agree with this idea completely. Life isn’t about being successful or suffering, it’s the middle path that is important. Life is about getting by. Life is about survival. Life is about making the best of what you have and not depriving others of that. It’s about having as much fun as possible while doing the least bit of harm to those around you.

As for the rest of the stanza, it’s sad when your work is taken and turned into something malicious and against your original intentions. But you have to be strong enough to correct it. You have to be bold enough to stand by your statements and make sure you aren’t misunderstood. When you build something, you have to remember that whatever is built will eventually break. And when it does you have to be the one to rebuild it, because no one else knows what your intentions were and what motivated you and how much you put into it. No one can share that passion that went into it. It is up to you.

The poem has three more stanza’s that you can read here, and it ends with this:

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”

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December 23, 2008 at 2:49 pm

.Something Beautiful, Something Free

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Like a junkie pleading for one last hit
I feel the need now more than I ever did
Bleeding myself for the blood of my joy
Meddling with needles as though they were toys

I want something beautiful
I want something free
But nothing in life
Comes without a fee

And I have paid the price
Yes, I have paid it well
And I will serve my time
In the jail that you call hell

But that does not bother me
For myself, I’ve always dared
I knew what the risks were
And I was always scared

For an eternity of suffering
Seems quite painful indeed
But just an ounce of heroin
Could give me all I need

So I will tie my arm for one last time
With a black balloon and a gun in my hand
I feel the needle prick and the rush seep in
I take a deep breath with a bullet at the end.

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December 15, 2008 at 9:00 am

.Leaves Fall

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People always leave. It is inevitable. It is natural. What’s sad is that human beings are irrational. We don’t try to reason out why they had to leave, some of us do but it’s only after grieving over the loss. We spend so much time feeling morose, we become angry at God and fate, we feel helpless, we beat ourselves down. Why? Does it help? What does it change? Nothing. And yet we continue to do so, because it is what comes naturally.

So what should we do? What is rational? It may sound apathetic and without conscience but you have to think reasonably. Think rationally. There is always a reason behind everything in this life. We all go through hardships. You might think someone else has it better than you, but you’re wrong. I don’t think so. I believe we all go through hardships at some point in our lives, but it is different in both timing and intensity for us all. I don’t compare what I’m going through with what others are, because I can’t. It’s not right. We don’t all have the same wants and needs. We don’t all have the same purpose. We don’t all live the same lives. We are all different. In my opinion, no one has to go through anything that they can’t handle. Life maybe cruel but it is rational.

Think of it this way: Think of a tree. Think of its leaves. In Autumn when the time comes they will fall. Some are blown away by the wind to never return again. The rest fall to the ground and eventually enter the soil once more. Some people leave and never look back (or can’t look back). Some people leave but their presence is still felt; they have made an impact on your life. But what you feel isn’t loss; you just wish you could thank them for all that they did. You wish they could have helped you for longer. You wish you could have returned the favour. But you can’t blame the ones who left; it is the wind that took them away. And you can’t blame the wind for blowing; it is all it can do. You might think “What if the leaves never fell?”, but leaves have to fall; they can’t defy gravity. When the time comes, it comes. But the ground will always accept them, regardless of whether they fell too late or too soon, and so will the roots. That is the beauty of life.

.Helping Yourself

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No one can help you if you’re not willing to help yourself. No one is going to bother caring about you when you don’t care about yourself. Even if they do they will get sick of it soon. You have to make the changes. You can’t expect someone to come rescue you. When life gives you lemons, fuck it and move on. You don’t let it bring you down, because then you have more damage to fix. There is nothing in this life that you will go through that you can’t get past except for death. Anything that needs to be done can be done. What you can’t do you don’t need to. But you can’t tell yourself what you can and can’t do. Neither can anyone else. You try everything and prove it to yourself.

Your body should tell your mind what you’re capable of. Your eyes should tell your mind what you see. Your senses should tell your mind what they sense.  Not the other way around. Your mind is what sets the limits on your senses and your body. You are not as small and needy as you think. You are not weak and helpless. You are not “doomed”. You don’t need anyone if you have yourself. But you have to respect yourself first – all aspects of yourself. 

Feeling ashamed isn’t going to help.
Feeling insecure doesn’t make you human.
Suffering doesn’t mean you feel pain.
Feeling numb doesn’t mean you’re immune.
Struggling doesn’t mean you’re fighting.
And losing doesn’t mean it’s over.
It never ends.
There is no finish line.
Stop looking for one.

.An Unexpected Guide

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It’s amazing how people who don’t know you or have nothing to do with you can change the way you look at life. It does nothing to them. They don’t gain or lose anything from it, but they just feel like doing something good. And they do it. That happened to me today.

I was walking back home and this guy (who I assumed was a trishaw driver) I know asked me if I would join him for a drink. I said alright since I hadn’t had one in a while. So then we started drinking. He asked me to play the guitar and then he started pointing out how I was messing up some bits. He was saying it was the cigarettes that were making my fingers shiver. He then went on to talk about the difference between alcohol and nicotine. And then he told me “Do not smoke cigarettes or joints or arrack.” If you have to just have a beer once in a while and maybe a cigarette or two with that. He said that’s all I would need. He told me to stop smoking and if anyone asks say “I don’t smoke”.

He told me that there isn’t much in this life but you have to make the best use of it. He told me to live for my family. For my brother and my mother, father, for my wife and my children. That I can go far if I give up all this. He said he was just trying to do good by showing me the way. We were both smoking at the time. I had finished mine. He then lit up a cigarette and passed it to me. I said “I don’t smoke”. I promised to him and on my mother and father that I will quit.

His name is Jagath. He lives close to my house. He works at the courts in Mount Lavinia as an apprentice to a lawyer. He hopes to move to Dubai next month. He’s trying to get a job as an ambulance driver. I hope he does get it. He asked me if I could just help him with one thing. Find him a cheap phone. All he wants is to be able to answer a call. I asked him what he wanted most about this life. He said “I hope that in my next life I will be able to build my own home and raise a daughter. That is all I want.” He was so genuine throughout the conversation. He had doubts as to whether I would smoke again. I tried my best to convince him I won’t. My parents must have told me not to smoke a thousand times, but the way this guy said it was just… I can not explain it. It was just so genuine. I wish I had recorded it. It was so unexpected. But I did take a picture though on my phone. So I will end this post with it.

Here he is : Jagath – the man that convinced me to quit smoking.


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November 14, 2008 at 6:30 pm