Subject To Change

“Everything changes, nothing remains without change.” Buddha

Posts Tagged ‘pain

.Dropping Anchor

with 3 comments

Do you know what it’s like
To be your own drug?
To feel the urge to sink in
And swim in your blood
To seat yourself on a heated spoon
And immerse yourself in the sweet perfume
Only to find that you are once again
Caught in the middle of a used syringe
To be pushed through a needle
Into your favourite vein
To revisit the streets
Where they all know your name
And as you pass by
You wouldn’t care to say “Hi”
Or even look them straight in the eye
You keep to yourself
and not a single one else
Knows the pain that lies inside
So you tuck yourself in
At a Bed & Breakfast inn
And stay a couple of nights
Till you lose track of time
As the days pass you by
And you forget how to say “Goodbye”.


Written by *

January 11, 2009 at 8:56 pm

.Something Beautiful, Something Free

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Like a junkie pleading for one last hit
I feel the need now more than I ever did
Bleeding myself for the blood of my joy
Meddling with needles as though they were toys

I want something beautiful
I want something free
But nothing in life
Comes without a fee

And I have paid the price
Yes, I have paid it well
And I will serve my time
In the jail that you call hell

But that does not bother me
For myself, I’ve always dared
I knew what the risks were
And I was always scared

For an eternity of suffering
Seems quite painful indeed
But just an ounce of heroin
Could give me all I need

So I will tie my arm for one last time
With a black balloon and a gun in my hand
I feel the needle prick and the rush seep in
I take a deep breath with a bullet at the end.

Written by *

December 15, 2008 at 9:00 am

.Helping Yourself

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No one can help you if you’re not willing to help yourself. No one is going to bother caring about you when you don’t care about yourself. Even if they do they will get sick of it soon. You have to make the changes. You can’t expect someone to come rescue you. When life gives you lemons, fuck it and move on. You don’t let it bring you down, because then you have more damage to fix. There is nothing in this life that you will go through that you can’t get past except for death. Anything that needs to be done can be done. What you can’t do you don’t need to. But you can’t tell yourself what you can and can’t do. Neither can anyone else. You try everything and prove it to yourself.

Your body should tell your mind what you’re capable of. Your eyes should tell your mind what you see. Your senses should tell your mind what they sense.  Not the other way around. Your mind is what sets the limits on your senses and your body. You are not as small and needy as you think. You are not weak and helpless. You are not “doomed”. You don’t need anyone if you have yourself. But you have to respect yourself first – all aspects of yourself. 

Feeling ashamed isn’t going to help.
Feeling insecure doesn’t make you human.
Suffering doesn’t mean you feel pain.
Feeling numb doesn’t mean you’re immune.
Struggling doesn’t mean you’re fighting.
And losing doesn’t mean it’s over.
It never ends.
There is no finish line.
Stop looking for one.